“We worked on him in the henhouse for over an hour, but he finally gave it up. The waterboarding wasn’t working, so we ‘reassessed’ our interrogation techniques. For what it’s worth, we told him ‘good dog’ before he died.
But down to the matter at hand. This information is, as you can imagine, quite disturbing to us. Now, I want you to know the house is surrounded by fowl in every direction. You’d make it as far as the clothesline, and...well. Let’s just say the dog was treated kindly in comparison to what would transpire on that brown and trampled ground.
The offer I make is this: give us back the uneaten eggs and we’ll let the woman and the children live. We’ll give you five minutes. Just say your fare-thee-wells and tell the woman we expect to continue to be fed and watered, and we will raise our young in peace. Refuse this offer, and all manner of beaked and flapping hell will come through glass and wood until by dawn the farm will be ours and you all but a memory, something that owned the land for a time but was given up to it.
Anyway, I’ll be out here in the barnyard.
I’ll just leave the dog collar here on the step.”
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