On Their Deathbed, If A Loved One Weakly Holds Up An Arm For A Final Fist Bump And Is Lucid Enough To Say “Don’t Leave Me Hangin’, Cuz” — Yo, Don’t Leave Them Hanging, Bruh
While Iffy Woo Woo And Sexual Ickiness Are Important, What Ultimately Sells Me On A Pseudo-Religious Cult Leader Is How Confidently He Can Rock A Sandal
Selling Photos Of My Feet To Fetish Websites May Seem Distasteful To Some, But It Keeps Me Off The Pole — Except For Thursday Nights And Every Other Saturday
You Can Save Your Teeth — If You Have Somehow Managed To Invent A Time Machine And Have Miraculously Figured Out A Way To Talk Some Sense Into Your Dumbass Younger Self
While Curveball Interview Questions Have Their Usefulness, I Lost Out On A Six Figure Electrical Engineering Position Because I Was Asked To Do Eight To Ten Celebrity Impressions
Fool Me Once, Shame On You — Fool Me Twice, And I Will Purposefully Utilize The Foundational Tool Of Democracy To Bring An End To The American Experiment, And With It, Democracy Itself
People Call Me Melodramatic Because One Time — ONE TIME — I Filled My Pockets With Stones And Allowed Myself To Be Swept Out To Sea After Losing An Argument About The Air Fryer
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