Original Paintings

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Who Was I To Argue With An Algorithm

$725.00

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A Local Preteen Was Able To Diagnose His Grandmother’s Dementia By Noticing A Subtle Shift In The Quality Of The Memes She Was Always Printing Out And Mailing To Him

$2,500.00

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If A Leprechaun Appears And Advises You To Get Your Glandular System Checked, Don’t Drown Him In A Ditch Like I Did—Get Your Damn Glands Checked

$1,250.00

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Once I Suspect People Have Seen Through My Pretension And Priggery, I Overcorrect And Start Straight In With Hand-In-The-Armpit Fart Noises

$4,750.00

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Had I Known It Would Lead To A Ten Year Familial Estrangement, I Wouldn’t Have Been So Cavalier In Talking Shit About Sandy Bullock

$3,250.00

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Cooking Skills Aside, I Admired How She Gingerly Steered Dinner Conversation Away From The Wadded Up Napkins Filled With Half-Masticated Meatloaf

$1,025.00

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Being Isolated From All Social Obligations And Wallowing In Idleness Does Not Excuse Uttering The Phrase 'Let’s Get Gross'

$1,025.00

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A Bungled Body Shaming Incident Has Left Me Feeling Both Cocky And Mortified About My Badunkadunk

$1,600.00

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Empirical Evidence Suggests That One Of The Greatest Problems Confronting Civilization Is The Ascendency Of The Anti-Science Fuckwit

$625.00

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During The Videoconference My Colleagues Patiently Explained To Me That While There Are No Bad Ideas, Loud Trumpeting Farts Are A No No, And Also Not Ideas

$400.00

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Being Labeled “Non-Essential” Led To The Discovery Of A Sub-Basement Beneath My Already Low Self-Esteem

$275.00

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Coronavirus Is Wreaking Havoc On My Kissing Booth Business, Even After I Removed The “Tonsil Hockey” Option From The Menu

$1,400.00

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He Ticked All My Boxes: Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Terrified Of 5G Cell Towers—And The Man Could Make A Mean Bleach Smoothie

$525.00

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Before The Appetizer Arrives, Let’s Take A Minute To Unpack Why You Thought A First Date Would Be An Appropriate Time To Share Your Opinions About Circumcision

$775.00

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I Always Have To Stop And Ask Myself—Is This My Extreme Paranoia And Anxiety, Or Am I Just Freaking The Fuck Out?

$625.00

SOLD OUT

Don’t Let My Advanced Age And “Dog Grandpa” Bumper Sticker Fool You - I Am Still A Virile Cocksman Who Isn’t Above Switching Teams To Cuddle With A “Cat Aunt”

$4,300.00

SOLD OUT

Financial Decisions You Make Today Will Ultimately Determine The Type Of Cat Food You Will Subsist On In Retirement: Generic Dry Kibble Or That Super Fancy Wet Stuff That Comes In A Can

$825.00

SOLD OUT

Checking In After A Week-Long Digital Detox Confirmed My Suspicions That My Friends And Followers Give Fuck-All About My Fraught Relationship With Technology

$2,075.00

SOLD OUT

Her Affair With The Sign Spinner Was Disappointing And Drawn Out, Much Like The Dress Barn Going Out Of Business Liquidation Sale That He Had Been Advertising

$1,075.00

Showing items 1-19 of 19.

Original Paintings

Who Was I To Argue With An Algorithm

A Local Preteen Was Able To Diagnose His Grandmother’s Dementia By Noticing A Subtle Shift In The Quality Of The Memes She Was Always Printing Out And Mailing To Him

If A Leprechaun Appears And Advises You To Get Your Glandular System Checked, Don’t Drown Him In A Ditch Like I Did—Get Your Damn Glands Checked

Once I Suspect People Have Seen Through My Pretension And Priggery, I Overcorrect And Start Straight In With Hand-In-The-Armpit Fart Noises

Had I Known It Would Lead To A Ten Year Familial Estrangement, I Wouldn’t Have Been So Cavalier In Talking Shit About Sandy Bullock

Cooking Skills Aside, I Admired How She Gingerly Steered Dinner Conversation Away From The Wadded Up Napkins Filled With Half-Masticated Meatloaf

Being Isolated From All Social Obligations And Wallowing In Idleness Does Not Excuse Uttering The Phrase 'Let’s Get Gross'

A Bungled Body Shaming Incident Has Left Me Feeling Both Cocky And Mortified About My Badunkadunk

Empirical Evidence Suggests That One Of The Greatest Problems Confronting Civilization Is The Ascendency Of The Anti-Science Fuckwit

During The Videoconference My Colleagues Patiently Explained To Me That While There Are No Bad Ideas, Loud Trumpeting Farts Are A No No, And Also Not Ideas

Being Labeled “Non-Essential” Led To The Discovery Of A Sub-Basement Beneath My Already Low Self-Esteem

Coronavirus Is Wreaking Havoc On My Kissing Booth Business, Even After I Removed The “Tonsil Hockey” Option From The Menu

He Ticked All My Boxes: Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Terrified Of 5G Cell Towers—And The Man Could Make A Mean Bleach Smoothie

Before The Appetizer Arrives, Let’s Take A Minute To Unpack Why You Thought A First Date Would Be An Appropriate Time To Share Your Opinions About Circumcision

I Always Have To Stop And Ask Myself—Is This My Extreme Paranoia And Anxiety, Or Am I Just Freaking The Fuck Out?

Don’t Let My Advanced Age And “Dog Grandpa” Bumper Sticker Fool You - I Am Still A Virile Cocksman Who Isn’t Above Switching Teams To Cuddle With A “Cat Aunt”

Financial Decisions You Make Today Will Ultimately Determine The Type Of Cat Food You Will Subsist On In Retirement: Generic Dry Kibble Or That Super Fancy Wet Stuff That Comes In A Can

Checking In After A Week-Long Digital Detox Confirmed My Suspicions That My Friends And Followers Give Fuck-All About My Fraught Relationship With Technology

Her Affair With The Sign Spinner Was Disappointing And Drawn Out, Much Like The Dress Barn Going Out Of Business Liquidation Sale That He Had Been Advertising

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