Original Paintings

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"“What Earned Me The Nickname “Congenital Idiot” Was When I Lurched Shitfaced Out Of A Karaoke Bar High On A Deranged And Dream That Blue-Eyed Soul Could Save The World”

$790.00

SOLD OUT

‘I Apologize For Being Pissy—It’s Just That Social Distancing Is Anathema For Someone Whose Most Uttered Phrase Is ‘I’m A Hugger’

$875.00

SOLD OUT

Surprise, Surprise —This Self-Described 'Cheeky Bastard' Turned Out To Be Just A Run-Of-The-Mill, Garden-Variety Bastard

$1,025.00

Here’s The Opening Number From My Solo Show...

$790.00

SOLD OUT

Horny For Normalcy

$875.00

SOLD OUT

I Always Have To Stop And Ask Myself—Is This My Extreme Paranoia And Anxiety, Or Am I Just Freaking The Fuck Out?

$625.00

SOLD OUT

The Faded Butterfly Tattoo On The Top Of Her Foot Left Me With More Answers Than Questions

$290.00

SOLD OUT

Momma Just Poured Herself A Big Ol’ Honkin’ Glass Of Giggle Soup (AKA Pinot Grigio), So Prepare Yourself For Some Moderate Gaiety

$910.00

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While The Judge Begrudgingly Conceded That I Did In Fact Possess “Big Dick Energy,” He Ruled It Was Not Sufficient To Allow Me To Park My 1990 Dodge Caravan In Parking Spots Reserved For Electric Vehicles

$1,425.00

SOLD OUT

The Only Reason Professional Competitive Eating Has Not Claimed The Title Of America’s Sexiest Sport Is The Post-Competition Effluvia

$1,050.00

SOLD OUT

My Parents’ Brilliant Solution To My Childhood Tremblings And Hysterics Was To Buy Me A Fainting Couch—Which They Later Admitted Was Just A Dog Bed They Had Picked Up At Costco

$925.00

SOLD OUT

I Noticed Her Freak Flag Was Only Flying At Half-Mast, But Didn’t Want To Pry

$1,575.00

SOLD OUT

My Last Post Got 26 Likes, So, Yeah, I Kinda Got Life By The Balls

$900.00

SOLD OUT

I Once Thought The Lord Would Never Give Me Anything I Couldn’t Bear Until He Gave Me a Tween Son Whose Only Talent Is Creating GIFS That Cause Seizures

$825.00

SOLD OUT

I Wouldn’t Call My Mother A Monster, Per Se, But Her Annual White Elephant Exchanges Are Responsible For One Alcoholic, Three Destroyed Marriages And The End Of A Genealogical Lineage

$1,050.00

SOLD OUT

The Road To Hell Is Paved Not With Good Intentions, But With A Thick Carpet Of Loose Legos

$850.00

SOLD OUT

She Felt As If She Was On The Cusp Of Outgrowing The Type Of Man Apt To Dangle A Latex Novelty Scrotum From The Rear Bumper Of A Pickup Truck

$825.00

Showing items 1-17 of 17.

Original Paintings

"“What Earned Me The Nickname “Congenital Idiot” Was When I Lurched Shitfaced Out Of A Karaoke Bar High On A Deranged And Dream That Blue-Eyed Soul Could Save The World”

‘I Apologize For Being Pissy—It’s Just That Social Distancing Is Anathema For Someone Whose Most Uttered Phrase Is ‘I’m A Hugger’

Surprise, Surprise —This Self-Described 'Cheeky Bastard' Turned Out To Be Just A Run-Of-The-Mill, Garden-Variety Bastard

Here’s The Opening Number From My Solo Show...

Horny For Normalcy

I Always Have To Stop And Ask Myself—Is This My Extreme Paranoia And Anxiety, Or Am I Just Freaking The Fuck Out?

The Faded Butterfly Tattoo On The Top Of Her Foot Left Me With More Answers Than Questions

Momma Just Poured Herself A Big Ol’ Honkin’ Glass Of Giggle Soup (AKA Pinot Grigio), So Prepare Yourself For Some Moderate Gaiety

While The Judge Begrudgingly Conceded That I Did In Fact Possess “Big Dick Energy,” He Ruled It Was Not Sufficient To Allow Me To Park My 1990 Dodge Caravan In Parking Spots Reserved For Electric Vehicles

The Only Reason Professional Competitive Eating Has Not Claimed The Title Of America’s Sexiest Sport Is The Post-Competition Effluvia

My Parents’ Brilliant Solution To My Childhood Tremblings And Hysterics Was To Buy Me A Fainting Couch—Which They Later Admitted Was Just A Dog Bed They Had Picked Up At Costco

I Noticed Her Freak Flag Was Only Flying At Half-Mast, But Didn’t Want To Pry

My Last Post Got 26 Likes, So, Yeah, I Kinda Got Life By The Balls

I Once Thought The Lord Would Never Give Me Anything I Couldn’t Bear Until He Gave Me a Tween Son Whose Only Talent Is Creating GIFS That Cause Seizures

I Wouldn’t Call My Mother A Monster, Per Se, But Her Annual White Elephant Exchanges Are Responsible For One Alcoholic, Three Destroyed Marriages And The End Of A Genealogical Lineage

The Road To Hell Is Paved Not With Good Intentions, But With A Thick Carpet Of Loose Legos

She Felt As If She Was On The Cusp Of Outgrowing The Type Of Man Apt To Dangle A Latex Novelty Scrotum From The Rear Bumper Of A Pickup Truck

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