Original Paintings

To see more original paintings, please visit www.mattadrian.com. To be alerted as soon as new paintings are available, sign up for Matt's fine art mailing list.
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The Feckless Schmendrick

$1,025.00

Had I Known It Would Lead To A Ten Year Familial Estrangement, I Wouldn’t Have Been So Cavalier In Talking Shit About Sandy Bullock

$2,950.00
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Yes I Wallow In Misinformation And Yes I Am Dumb As A Bag Of Hammers, But Guess Who Won A Gold Medal In Mental Gymnastics—This Guy

$925.00
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Spice Up Your Side Piece Sex Life By—You Guessed It—Adding A Side Piece To Your Side Piece

$1,150.00
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Aquatic Twerking For Seniors

$1,025.00
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My FOMO Got So Bad That I Felt Like I Was Missing Out On Everything In My Peripheral Vision

$1,600.00
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Cooking Skills Aside, I Admired How She Gingerly Steered Dinner Conversation Away From The Wadded Up Napkins Filled With Half-Masticated Meatloaf

$1,025.00
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Being Isolated From All Social Obligations And Wallowing In Idleness Does Not Excuse Uttering The Phrase 'Let’s Get Gross'

$1,025.00
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Monetizing Thoughts And Prayers

$585.00
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Play That Slow Jam From The 2020’s, You Know—The One About Wiping Down Groceries With Disinfectant

$925.00
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A Bungled Body Shaming Incident Has Left Me Feeling Both Cocky And Mortified About My Badunkadunk

$1,600.00
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My Body Pillow Is Technically A Garbage Bag Stuffed With Old Sweaters, But I Got Me A Hankerin’ For Hugs So It Will Have To Do

$875.00
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Empirical Evidence Suggests That One Of The Greatest Problems Confronting Civilization Is The Ascendency Of The Anti-Science Fuckwit

$625.00
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Shit Just Got Higgledy-Piggledy

$1,400.00
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Living In A Constant State Of Excitation Requires A Real Zest For Life And Not A Small Amount Of Cocaine

$625.00
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During The Videoconference My Colleagues Patiently Explained To Me That While There Are No Bad Ideas, Loud Trumpeting Farts Are A No No, And Also Not Ideas

$400.00
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The Integral Role Of Fancy Fops And Gussied Up Dandies In A Civilized Society

$1,695.00
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Lately I’ve Been Getting A Real Aggro Vibe From My Weighted Blanket

$1,200.00
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Prior To The Stay-At-Home Order And Subsequent 24/7 Cohabitation, My Quirks Were Considered Harmless And Eccentric

$1,025.00
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Being Labeled “Non-Essential” Led To The Discovery Of A Sub-Basement Beneath My Already Low Self-Esteem

$275.00
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Coronavirus Is Wreaking Havoc On My Kissing Booth Business, Even After I Removed The “Tonsil Hockey” Option From The Menu

$1,400.00
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Straight Talk About The Opioid Epidemic, In Iambic Pentameter

$900.00
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He Is Full Of Romantic Surprises—Like When He Proposed To Me During My Scamper From The Toilet To The Bidet

$1,150.00
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I Will Concede He Is A Dumb Sumbitch, But If You Could See The Way He Chugs A Two-Liter Bottle Of Pop, You Would Understand Why I Married A Juggalo

$400.00
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He Ticked All My Boxes: Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Terrified Of 5G Cell Towers—And The Man Could Make A Mean Bleach Smoothie

$525.00
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Getting Into A Pissing Contest With The Queen Of Halloween Is A Sure-Fire Way To Find Yourself Torn Asunder

$2,500.00
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Plagued By Guilt—And Also A Plague

$400.00
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It Puts Me In Mind Of That Japanese Game Show Where Contestants Dressed In Poop Emoji Costumes Scream Children’s Songs At Unsuspecting Pedestrians

$395.00
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Sometimes A Cough Is Just A Cough

$275.00
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Some Cultures Consider It Discourteous—Even Uncool—To Shit Oneself At A Shindig

$1,400.00
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The Wild Popularity Of Amish Romance Novels Can Be Attributed To The Universal Allure Of Grown-Ass Adults Who Have The Romantic Moves Of Fifth Graders

$1,950.00
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He Fancied Himself A Quarantine Libertine—In The Afternoons You Would Find Him Wearing Only A Pair Of Latex Gloves

$575.00
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I Hail From The Great Commonwealth Of Massachusetts—Please Allow Me To Regale You With A Few Colloquial Vulgarisms

$1,500.00
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Love In The Time Of Coronavirus

$800.00
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Trotting Out The Ol' Razzle Dazzle Was Not Enough To Save My Marriage

$950.00
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Jumping At Shadows Is All The Cardio I Get Nowadays

$1,995.00
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Before The Appetizer Arrives, Let’s Take A Minute To Unpack Why You Thought A First Date Would Be An Appropriate Time To Share Your Opinions About Circumcision

$775.00
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I Have Had My Fill Of New Realities, Thank You Very Much

$1,325.00
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Who Was That Masked Man - Oh, It’s Just My Neighbor Picking Up His Dog’s 'Present' During A Global Pandemic

$1,025.00
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No Substance Is Too Viscous For 'Glistening Jim, The Gunk Juggler'

$875.00
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My Sciatica Bloometh Afresh

$790.00
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“What Earned Me The Nickname “Congenital Idiot” Was When I Lurched Shitfaced Out Of A Karaoke Bar High On A Deranged Dream That Blue-Eyed Soul Could Save The World”

$790.00
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‘I Apologize For Being Pissy—It’s Just That Social Distancing Is Anathema For Someone Whose Most Uttered Phrase Is ‘I’m A Hugger’

$875.00
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Surprise, Surprise —This Self-Described 'Cheeky Bastard' Turned Out To Be Just A Run-Of-The-Mill, Garden-Variety Bastard

$1,025.00
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Here’s The Opening Number From My Solo Show...

$790.00
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Horny For Normalcy

$875.00
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I Always Have To Stop And Ask Myself—Is This My Extreme Paranoia And Anxiety, Or Am I Just Freaking The Fuck Out?

$625.00
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The Faded Butterfly Tattoo On The Top Of Her Foot Left Me With More Answers Than Questions

$290.00

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